Go While You Can
by Random Guise
Summary: Takes place during the time of the Brainship story "The Ship Who Searched" by Anne McCaffrey & Mercedes Lackey. A brainship suffers a malady that threatens her and her brawn's livelyhood. I don't own the setting or characters from the original Brainship series, but sometimes it IS hard to get out of bed, isn't it? Two chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Takes place during the time of the Brainship story "The Ship Who Searched" by Anne McCaffrey & Mercedes Lackey.**

* * *

Go While You Can

"There's a ship coming in beside us; I can't see the shuttle but they're talking to me and the tower right now" Monica announced. "Here's your big chance to bail out now, Frank; go while you can." The voice wasn't exactly sad, but it wasn't its normal happy self either.

"I already told you, I'm not leaving you girl." Frank's voice echoed somewhat, coming through the microphone pickup inside his suit helmet. "We're a team; if you want to break it up, _YOU_ leave." His voice wasn't mad, but it certainly contained overtones of frustration.

"Thanks, Frank; you're the best."

"Only because I've got a great partner."

"Keep that up and I'm gonna cry."

Monica and Frank were a team; the two halves of what was becoming a more common teaming of human and machine. Monica was a brainship; the brain of a human that for survival had been placed into a manufactured case at a very early age and hooked up to control the functions of a spaceship. Initially many recoiled at the thought of such an imprisonment, but any person installed into a brainship would tell you that it was actually freedom; freedom to move and explore and live instead of being trapped within a flesh and blood softbody that simply lay or sat inert. Additionally, after already having experienced people recoiling at their physical limitations in their earlier lives, the feeling was nothing new. Extensive evaluations were done before someone was considered a candidate in order to determine physical, mental and social adaptability; even then they had to successfully pass through training. She was the brain, and she controlled most of the ship's functions; engines were her legs, servos her arms, the environmental system her lungs and hundreds of other things that were autonomic in humans. Even the ship's outer hull was analogous to her skin.

Frank was the other half of the combination, commonly known as the brawn. Although a normal human physically, a brawn must also pass through testing and training before being allowed to become part of the program. All brawns were evaluated psychologically and personality was considered when pairing with a brainship; it was more than just a working relationship as both depended on the skills of the other to not only survive, but succeed. Brawns were qualified so that he or she could manually control many of the basic functions of the ships if necessary, as well as provide the ability to move about both inside and outside the ship as the situation demanded. With the enormous investment made in both members, the Institute levied heavy penalties for the breakup of a team. Due consideration was given by both parties; whether each was strictly work-centered or more social had great impact, not to mention the interests of each. It was important to remember that although the brain had no softbody, he or she was just as much a person as the brawn sitting at the control seat.

Monica and Frank had been lucky. Most pairs were usually young; the brain because younger candidates did better with the transition to starship handler and the brawns because space offered the best chance to go out and make a life for yourself as soon as you had the opportunity. It was the first pairing for Monica, being fresh out of the Institute. Frank had been a space veteran with no family who finally gave the brainship program a try simply for the challenge and experience. The two had bonded quickly, in a relationship that was different than most; while others tended to be much like roommates, best friends or even platonic mates theirs was much like a healthy and happy father-daughter pairing.

And their pairing worked very well for over a year. Mission after mission was accomplished; milk runs at first, then more difficult as the team gained experience. Then, a week ago something happened. What happened hadn't exactly been determined; Monica just started losing the ability to control various systems. The systems didn't fail all at once; it would start with intermittent failures of the feedback circuits, followed by full loss of feedback and finally the inability to control the system at all. Frank had his hands full on their last run, trying unsuccessfully to diagnose the problem while manually alternating control of various systems. Hull inspection and the internal hatch removal and tracing of circuits had found nothing. By the time they were able to nurse the ship back home Frank was barely able to set it down on the landing pad at the base, flying practically blind and without any heat in the ship and only partial atmosphere.

They had been at the base a week now, and despite the hordes of technicians swarming over the whole ship exploring all the nooks and crannies no problem had been found. Everything seemed to check out fine; all control circuits showed correct readings on stress tests and there were no problems with the systems themselves. Even Monica's connections were checked and found to be fine. In an extraordinary move, she herself was tested for biological problems only to come out with a clean bill of health. All those green lights across the board meant nothing when Monica couldn't feel anything.

"The ship has landed and is hailing us directly, Frank. I'll pipe it in..." Frank could hear relays click in his helmet and a different background hiss took over.

"This is the _Pride of Albion Jr. _hailing MF five-sixteen. Do you read, Monica? You there, Frank?" the voice crackled. It wasn't the speaker or the transmission - the voice itself actually crackled a little.

"We read you, _Pride_. Is that you, Doctor Uhua-Sorg?" Frank recognized the voice of the head doctor of the brainship program, Doctor Kennet Uhua-Sorg. He was a man whose own life as a paraplegic after an accident propelled him into medical school and eventually his role with the program. Not only did he have the medical background for the job, he had the physiological and psychological background from experience.

"How many times do I have to tell you kids it's 'Kenny', for fardling sake." There were a few people that could be as crusty as Dr. Uhua-Sorg, but they were usually kept away from people for their own good. "Can you still talk, Monica?"

"I can, Doctor Kenny. They didn't tell me you were coming over; it must be pretty bad to have to call you in." She tried to be cheery, and only half-succeeded.

"Well, so far it qualifies as pretty _different_. I won't know if it's bad or not until I've poked around a bit, looked over some charts and beat Frank in a game of chess." To some extent or other Uhua-Sorg knew all the brain-brawn pairs; he had met them all at least once and some more than that.

"Monica doesn't play chess, so my game is a little rusty from not playing. You might have to spot me a bishop this time" Frank said as he tried to keep the tone light. "Right, Monica?"

"I plead innocence on the whole matter; I barely know what a bishop is" Monica replied. She actually was an okay player, but she just didn't _like_ the game.

"Good girl. Stay away from it, and you'll get a lot more dates. Mind if I come over?"

"Can I say no?" Monica asked.

"Sure you can, but I'd rather talk face-to-face than over radio."

"I know, I was just giving you a bad time. We haven't got any heat over here at the moment; the coal man didn't come this week" she joked. Just talking to the doctor was lifting her spirits a little. "Come on over, Frank will extend the ramp."

"Thanks; with this new contraption they made me I can get around a little better and I can even work steps. But I'm asking for trouble if I try climbing the ladder rungs. Give me about ten minutes to get hooked up on this end and I'll be over. Out." The connection cut and the pair were left alone again.

But not for long; shortly afterward, Monica let Frank know that Dr. Uhua-Sorg was approaching the ship. Frank had already extended the ramp, and had made his way down to the loading area in time to cycle the airlock to allow the doctor in. The doctor ambled in, mechanically clanking with each step as he wore some type of lower body armor while his upper body was covered in a normal environmental suit to protect against the cold. He swerved to the right slightly, then stopped and corrected before reaching Frank.

"Sorry, the guidance controls on these legs still need a little fine tuning; the fardling things drift to the right on me if I don't pay attention. How ya' doing, Frank?"

"I'm doing fine, Dr. Uh...Kenny. It was a little rough getting back here, but now we just need to figure out what's wrong with Monica. Any ideas?"

"I've got a few, but I'd really like to discuss them in the front of Monica; it's really about her, isn't it?"

"You're right of course, but I wanted to give you the option for a private moment. Follow me, and don't run into any walls with those wizzo legs. I bet they still beat that wheeled cart you used to have to move around."

"That they do, Frank. They're improving them all the time, and they already have another model ready to prototype" he said as they made their way down the hallway. "Guess who gets to be the guinea pig for that round."

Both laughed as they entered the control room. As a courtesy, Kenny immediately addressed the column that held Monica within its protective walls. "How do you like my new dancing shoes, Monica?" he asked.

"I don't know from experience of course, but I bet it hurts when you step on your partner's toes" she retorted.

Kenny put a fake shocked look on his face. "Moi? I was the best dancer on four wheels in my class, I'll have you know!" They all shared the laugh. "Besides, it makes it a lot easier to make house calls when the patient won't come to my office."

"Just _try_ getting me through the front door now" Monica chuckled. "Unless you've moved the office into a hanger somewhere and haven't told me, that is."

"Nope. Same office, same old magazines and don't made the receptionist made; good help is hard to find. Speaking of help, I've got a specialist that will monitor our communication but they won't break in unless I give them permission. Even I need help sometimes when it comes to how people think. Would you like them to say hello?"

"Not right now, thanks. I suppose it's good to have someone else that can help. Maybe later."

"Fair enough."

"And if you're going to be here for a bit Kenny, I'm going to head over to the base and get a hot shower and air out this suit. I know it was necessary because of the environmentals being on the fritz, but there's only so much you can do with so little recycled air. Go easy on him, Monica" Frank warmly warned her.

"In fact I've told Frank to keep himself busy for 48 hours" Kenny slipped in. Before Monica could object he added "He'll be right over at the base if we need him. In the meantime, he can fall asleep in the shower if he wants and lose that top layer of skin."

"Don't go tripping on anything out there; I need you in one piece to pay off these student loans" Monica responded reluctantly. "Be sure to use that extra-strong deodorant. Zen hugs." Frank patted the column and left the room to let himself out through the airlock.

"I'll let you know when I'm just about finished over here" Kenny keyed on the radio to the figure as it started walking across the airless landing pad.

...


	2. Chapter 2

"Thanks for waiting until Frank left, Dr. Kenny; I know he's worried about me but he really does need to go freshen up."

"Monica, pilots have lived weeks in those suits with no ill effect. He was just excusing himself to give us some privacy so you can talk without having to watch what you say."

"I kinda thought so, but I wasn't sure."

"Yup. Don't hold it against him; he's doing it for you. Now, as you know all the reports say that there is nothing wrong with your mechanicals. I don't think we have to go over that again; it would just chew up time and accomplish nothing."

"I know. I'm going crazy, right? It can't be like organ rejection in the old transplant days can it?"

"No chance. There haven't been any cases of a rejection of a shell person to a ship yet. And if there was, it would have happened a long time ago. No, this is something else we're dealing with now. Now, Doctor Anna has already talked my ear off about things to investigate and I might have to ask a lot of questions but since there is no physical reason for the problem I don't see why we can't correct it over time. I wish I could tell you how long, but until I find out what's happening it would just be wishful thinking." Kenny sighed. "Doctors do a lot of wishful thinking; sometimes even more than the patient I think. So tell me: How has it been working with Frank?"

"This is just between you and me?" Monica asked.

Kenny almost imagined that she looked both ways before asking. "Parts of it will be. If parts of it concern him directly then I really think he should know, don't you?"

"Of course, but I don't want to ruin our partnership because I don't know how he'd feel about it. I never had a father growing up..."

"No, you were given up because of your birth condition and taken care of by hospital staff."

"Right. Well, Frank is everything I imagined what a father would be like. He's a partner for sure, but he's like...I don't know how to say it exactly..._bigger_ than I am."

"You mean he's the boss?"

"No! I provide as much input as he does. But he's taught me so much, supported me, and encouraged me at every turn. He never had any family, so I must be sort of like a daughter to him I think. We don't talk about it, but that's how it feels."

"That's a little unusual, but understandable. So you're both okay with the relationship?"

"We're like twins sometimes, the way we think."

"Anything sexual?"

Monica made a sound that almost sounded like gagging, although it was impossible for her to do so. "Doctor Kenny, please! The idea even turns my...well, you'd call it a stomach but to me it's the garbage recycle system."

"That's probably healthy then. Some brawns become infatuated with their other half or the other way around and have to quit. The relationship seems to be okay, so my next question is have the assignments been working out?"

"Yeah. The first one was the hardest probably; we were still getting used to being a team. A few bumps along the way, but we've been getting better. If we could get some of the bigger assignments it would be even better."

"Better?" Kenny asked. "I thought the assignments were okay."

"They are, but we aren't building up credits fast enough. I need to pay off the Institute debts so we can really start to do well."

"You mean _both_ of you need to build up credits. It's a partnership, remember?" Kenny prodded.

"That's what I meant. Frank does great; I just need to do better on my end."

"Does Frank say things that make you think you're not doing well enough?"

"Never. Frank is the one that's always trying to slow me down when I get too excited and try going off in three directions at once. He says we'll get there in time, but I get a little impatient sometimes compared to him."

"Age and experience will do that. I've been around so long sometimes _I_ forget where I'm going." Monica reacted with a chortle. "It's good to hear you laugh. Do you think Frank gets impatient with your progress?"

"Yes. I mean no. I mean, wouldn't he?"

"Ah, good question. You just told me that he's always trying to get you to slow down. How could he be impatient but tell you to take it easier at the same time? Does that make any sense?" Kenny asked, probing gently but persistently.

"No," Monica was slow to respond "I guess it doesn't. I know I'd be if I were in his place."

"Probably. But guess what - Frank is in Frank's place. If you trust him, take him on his word. But enough of that for now - did you have any interesting assignments in the last couple of months?" Kenny chose to change topics for now; they could always come back to it if he needed.

"We made our usual courier runs, a replacement generator to an outpost, and resupply missions to a couple of survey teams. We had our first time that passengers had an argument between themselves; that was fun. I just locked the doors until they got so mad at me they forgot about being mad at each other."

"Foes teaming up against a common opponent; I've seen it many times in a lot of different ways. Meet any other brainships?"

"Never on the same pad. I talked to a couple for short bursts while we were in transit but the vectors didn't allow for anything long. Always busy with something or going somewhere" Monica summarized.

"Okay with the landings you've made?"

"The first one was the most exciting because I'd never been off-planet before my transfer. I got to land on a field that was tilted from the swampy land settling beneath it. A couple that had noxious atmospheres. And a nice one that reminded me of Earth except the sky was the wrong color."

"No airless worlds, eh?"

"No, just the...wait...there was one. It was boring and kinda dusty. Almost lost Frank in the cloud we kicked up from landing. I forgot about that one. But that's about it."

"How about any other brawns? Have you talked to any?"

"Nope. Not too many wandering around alone out there and Frank hasn't brought any aboard that he knows when we've been at a port. I'm sure there are others out there, but we just haven't had a chance to socialize much."

"If you could meet any other brainship, who would it be?" Kenny changed the direction again.

"Tia."

"Tia?" the doctor asked. "You mean Hypatia Cade?"

"Sure! I've read about her - if she isn't the best one out there she will be. She's smart, she's successful and she hasn't been doing this much longer than I have. She's my role model."

"I worked with her a lot. Maybe I could arrange for you to meet her sometime."

"Oh no, I couldn't Dr. Kenny! Not for real. I just imagine meeting her; I think I would die if I actually met her."

"They say you should never meet your idols; we'll just leave that for now. So you know about her then?"

"Sure, I read all about her. About her parents searching for Salomon-Kildaire civilization sites, how she got paralyzed, and how she was so smart she really started paying off her debt."

"She sure was a joy to work with; I knew she'd be perfect the first day I met her" Kenny admitted, thinking back. "There was something about her that was ancient and young at the same time, so she had the smarts and the drive to make something of herself." Now he was going to throw in a ringer. "Do you think Frank would do better with another partner?"

Kenny waited for an answer and got none. He waited a full minute before trying again. "Monica, did you hear the question?"

"Yes."

"You don't want to answer it?"

"No."

"It might be important. I think it is."

"You can't tell Frank. You have to promise."

"I'll make you a counter proposal: I won't tell him, but if I feel that Frank has to know then _you_ have to tell him."

"I don't like it. Do I have to?"

"No, you don't have to but I think it's important that you tell me for sure."

"Okay, but you can tell Frank away from me and that's my final offer."

"Deal."

"Fair enough." Monica let out an audible sigh; it was purely for effect because she didn't have lungs. She continued in a much more subdued voice. "Yes, I think he would."

"Why?"

"Because...because then he could be more successful and then make more credits and pay off his debt faster and then he could do what he wants and not have to be with me anymore and maybe start a family and I know he's older but not too old and then he won't have to worry about me anymore because he can find a better ship and I don't know I don't know..." Monica lapsed into silence.

Kenny let some time pass as he contemplated his next play. "Monica, you're still there?"

"Yes."

"Good, I was hoping you wouldn't go take a walk without telling me. Let me tell you something about Frank you probably don't know. He has a family."

"What? I've looked at his records and he hasn't said anything about it going on the second year that we've worked together. How could he have a family, Dr. Kenny?"

"Because I see it from a different perspective than you. You're his family, I'm his family, his brawn friends are his family...he's got a _big_ family. You're his daughter, his friends are his brothers and sisters and I'm either a grandfather or cranky uncle, I'm not sure which. He doesn't want to start a family because he already has one. Do you know how many families have a business where the parent teaches the child to run it and they work side by side? Growing up, my neighbors had a restaurant that was in the family for four generations. Through good times and bad they worked together, because that's what families do."

"I guess."

"I don't guess. Well, maybe sometimes. And here's a guess that I'm going to throw out now, so keep an open mind and listen to all of it before you say anything - maybe it's just a wild story made up by an old man. You really care for Frank, and you think of him like your father. You both work well together, but you think you're progressing too slowly and it's impeding the attempt to pay off both of your debts. You don't want to be a burden to Frank because you think he wants to be off somewhere else and you're like an anchor keeping him back. By the way, neither one of you would have made it this far without the other. But some little part deep inside your brain was trying to find a way to free Frank from you, and when you read about Tia it gave that part an idea. When you landed on that airless world, you knew it was an EsKay site and that dust was perfect. A part of you started planning in secret, hidden away where you wouldn't notice, to sabotage your work. It made you start to have symptoms like Tia did in her body, but it was the ship that was affected in your case. Because the part that was doing it was secret, or what we call subconscious, you didn't know it. But Frank didn't leave because he cares for you too, even now that he's back where he could get another ship. Now you're stuck because that secret part won't let go because it doesn't know that I know and now you know too. Now I want you to think about it for five minutes before you say anything at all. Start."

Kenny pretended to study the switches on the console while he waited, doing a silent count in his head. After five minutes elapsed, he waited an additional two minutes to be sure.

"Time's up. Did you think about it, Monica?"

"Yes."

"And what do you think?"

"I still can't control anything."

"I know you can't. But how does my guess sound? Could it be something like what happened?"

"I followed along, and...well, it _fits_...but it doesn't feel right. Why would I do that?"

"The brain is a funny thing. We'll never know everything about it, and sometimes even when we think we have the answers it surprises us with something completely different. And it's really hard to see something when you're too close to it, so that's why doctors can sometimes help because we can stand back and rearrange the puzzle pieces until they make more sense. Sometimes. But I think I'm going to need more help here. Do you mind if I call in your sister?"

"I don't have a sister. You got me from an orphanage."

"No, I mean your _sister_. Another shellperson that knows more about being a brainship than I ever will; you can talk to her for a while. Are you there, Tia?" Kenny said, raising his voice slightly.

"A couple pads over, but I read you loud and clear. Hello, Monica!"

"I'm going to die; I can't stand it!" Monica said in a near panic.

"Cool your jets, Monica. You probably will someday, but no one knows how long we'll live in our new homes. I'm happy to meet you. You really read about me? I'd introduce you to my brawn but he's at the base right now."

"Mine too."

As the two started to chat and the conversation flowed easier and easier, Kenny backed out of the room and saw himself out of the airlock to join Frank in the base.

...

Kenny and Frank were on their third game of chess the next day, playing standing up at a table in the lounge. Kenny had won the first, but Frank managed a draw on the second. The third was well along when a messenger approached the two players.

"Are either of you Frank Weller?"

"I am" Frank responded.

"I have a call on hold for you at the wall-com; key in your access code to retrieve it, please." The messenger departed and Frank excused himself to make his way over to the com unit and punched in his code.

"Hey Frank! Guess where I am?" Monica's happy voice practically chirped.

"Ummm, not on your landing pad I'd guess. Did Tia help?"

"She's the best sister a person could ever have and it seems like I've known her forever of course I know about her but now that I've met her I..." Monica paused. "Sorry, I'm getting carried away...Doctor Kenny helped a lot, but Tia knows exactly how I feel! She got me straightened out again and we've been checking out my systems just beyond orbit. Weeee!"

Frank laughed. It was good to have the old partner back again. "So you're all fired up and ready to start the assignments that have been piling up?"

"Yes. Well, no actually. I think you and I need to go on a little trip just for fun. We need to talk and I don't want to mix business with pleasure. Tia tells me there are roses out there and I have to take time to smell them; at least she said something like that, just not in so many words. Just listen to me - I'm still excited from being back and just wearing out my speech circuits. Want to go for a ride? Let's go while we can."

"Sure" Frank grinned. "Can we play chess?"

"Chess? I may be better now but I'm still not that crazy!"

The End

* * *

**A/N: This story gelled from two different inspirations. The first was an early short story from Larry Niven called "Becalmed in Hell" where a pilot is convinced his ship's cybernetic brain/personality is going crazy but it turns out in the end to be a mechanical issue. The second is McCaffrey's "The Ship Who Searched" which had to deal with the life of a girl who became a shellperson in a brainship and her trials and tribulations before success.**

**I was thinking in the case of the first story when I read it decades ago, what if it were just the opposite and it seemed to be a mechanical failure but it turned out to be psychological? That idea has been on a shelf in my head ever since, but when I read McCaffrey's story the background of the main character merged together with that old idea to create this tale.**

**Yes, psychological problems aren't cured quickly as they are here but for the sake of _this_ story they were.**


End file.
